A few weeks ago, and as part of our pursuit of a multi-national firm’s advertising support, Andrew Rossi (our Director of Business Development --- hell, salesman!) and I were told the following by a prospective sponsor, a huge multi-national corporation:

“Gentlemen, you have sold us here at the corporate level. We like the idea a lot. But now you must convince our advertising agency, for without their agreement, we can go no further. Please therefore contact (and here they gave us the names of two individuals). Convince them as you have convinced us and we can move ahead.”

Folks, I’m here to tell you that this is a huge deal. With a huge company.

But as soon as I read the above words, I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why, you ask? Well, for one thing, I have been selling since I was ten years old. And I can smell a set-up fifty miles away. This smelled like a set-up.

Nonetheless, I told Andrew that he should go ahead and organize the appropriate conference call. And so he did.

The first thing I must tell you is that these were two young men who were probably upper-range analysts for one of the larger ad agencies in the world. I can’t give you the agency name because it is too familiar.

The interview began. Before I give you the substance of that interview, let me first provide some important background information. Keep in mind the fact that it took us about nine months to educate and convince the corporate people of the wisdom of our approach.

Here is the background that existed prior to the phone interview.

The guy we were dealing with at the corporate parent was once himself part of a start-up. He had also run a large advertising agency. He was very entrepreneurial and so he understood both us and our approach.

We had provided to them a 26-page proposal that took nearly six weeks to create. There were many late-nighters, and we had squeezed every last bit of data into that proposal.

Data is not easy for us. First, we do not own the radio station we broadcast from and so we are completely at their mercy vis-à-vis listener data. Secondly, and other than a survey that we run, and informal talks with callers by our producers, we are hard-pressed to collect numbers. But if it’s a first-time caller, we do ask such things as, “Do you have an equity stake in your company?” and, “What are your approximate revenues and number of employees?”

Things like that.

We also get letters, e-mails, faxes, and texts. In all, we have collected more than one-thousand of these in recent years (except for the texts) and they are really quite compelling. We have never once received a negative letter, e-mail or fax.

Our proposal was, and in my opinion, very good. And this comes from someone who is extremely demanding when it comes to such things. As mentioned above, there were many nights when we would proof check the proposal by reading it aloud to one another. The proposal was basically micro-publisher quality. It had clever run-arounds that included quotes from important listeners, guests, and sponsors. Very impressive.

In short, you could not read this proposal without wanting to grab a pen and sign up. It was extremely compelling and a high percentage of it was factual data. In fact, we had never before included so much factual data.

So, you have the picture. This proposal, along with dozens of letters and fact sheets and the like (including copies of testimonial letters and e-mails), had been forwarded by the customer to the agency. The two people we were about to speak with had over a month to digest the twenty-six pages.

We made the call at the appointed time. One of the two thanked us for calling and I think the next time we opened our mouths was perhaps forty minutes later.

I kid you not, these guys spent forty minutes telling us about themselves, their company, their methodology, and every other damned thing they’ve done since they were born. Every time that Andrew and I tried to get a word in, the other guy would start talking. In my mind, I envisioned one of those Bill Cardille-hosted tag-team matches from the 1960’s. As soon as one wrestler would tire, he simply tagged his teammate and the new guy jumped in.

Finally, I decided that the only way to be heard was to be rude. So, I was rude. I said, “Are you guys ever going to let us speak or is it your plan to talk until quitting time (or words to that effect)?”

They took offense. “Why yes, you have the floor, Mr. Morris” (I was surprised he even remembered my name). “We’re sorry that we’re wasting your time.”

I didn’t bother to apologize because I felt that I had nothing to apologize for. They had been very rude and I had called them on it.

So, and with great deliberation, I presented the reasons why we could not accommodate what they were asking for (at least as far as Andrew and I could figure) in their forty-minute rant. That being a certified media audit that pretty much gave them a demographic analysis of our listener base; including how that listener base was reacting to various and sundry messages at various and sundry times.

“You understand, we simply cannot afford to generate the data you seek,” I said, “The best we can do is give you what you already have. In fact, I was astounded at the level of detail that we’ve already given you.”

You’d have thought that I insulted his mother. “Well, if that’s the best you can do, I’m afraid that we’re just not going to be able to go any further,” his tone being that of a high-level bureaucrat who had just found his mark du jour. The cat had found a mouse to bat around and now he was going to do some major league batting.

Here’s the fun part. He actually said the following:

“We need something that includes the KPI and a solid ROI. We need core data for your endemic audience.” (By now, I’m so amused that I’m writing down his $20.00 buzz terms as fast as I can. I figured, “I might as well get a column out of this.”) He continued, “You guys need to get your broad strokes correct. We need data that is drilled down to the maximum. And by the way, don’t forget that we need audited audience metrics. Please put all of this into a one-sheeter.”

In just the time that I was writing, he used twenty-three TLA’s (three letter acronyms).

I thought my drink was going to come out of my nose. “Please try to get all of this into a one-sheeter,” I repeated the words to myself. Who the hell does this guy think we are?

“Look,” I said, figuring I’d take one last shot, “To give you all that you just asked for would pretty much require that we spend all of the money that we’ve put aside for this month’s payroll on third-party consultants. Even then it would take us months to do the surveys and focus group analyses that you’re asking for. Can’t you instead just accept the fact that we speak to business owners each and every day --- tens of thousands of business owners --- the same business owners that are dying to consume your products and services?

“And how about the fact that we have over one-thousand testimonial documents, almost all from business owners, saying how much they love the show and that they can’t afford to miss even one minute of one show because they might miss an important piece of advice. Isn’t this more important than anything? So, can’t we just instead provide this?”

“I’m sorry, but we have our standards and our systems. And they must be adhered to by all vendors.”

“So, let me ask you a question then,” I said in a voice that reeked of exasperation, “How the hell does any start-up ever work with one of your clients?”

“What do you mean?” he said. “I don’t understand.”

And the poor son of a bitch probably didn’t.

Here he was … all of 30 years old with his freshly minted Wharton MBA and Apple iPad 2, cranking out spreadsheet after spreadsheet. Going to some fern bar after work comparing his precious data with that of his fellow wonks.

I can only imagine the conversations.

“My team today discovered a positive correlation between frequency of advertising on social media and the GDP of the BRIC nations,” says wonk number-one.

Wonk number-two says, “Well, I’m just focused on the core competency. They’ve got to prove that their core competency is statistically valid. I’m looking for positive correlations in their Q ratings.”

We’re still working on the one-pager. I called the CEO of the corporation and he has not yet returned the call. That was about a month ago.

It’s a shame. At one time, this country was built by gun slingers who provided real value in return for fair wages. A handshake was all that was needed to get started and references were all that were needed to get the handshake. You simply had to show that you could do the job and the best way to show this was by introducing the prospective client to good people who would vouch for your prior work.

Then came the MBA’s. Not knowing what else to teach them and anxious to keep the revenues flowing, the universities invented analytical tools. Things have gone south ever since.

I’m not saying that it’s not important to have detailed data on such things as customer behavior and the various correlations between stimuli and response.

But here we’re just trying to show a company that needs desperately to reach business owners a novel and unique way to reach business owners. But because we can’t afford to do the requisite studies they seek, the agency will go no further.

I am sure that the person who founded that same ad agency would go totally berserk if he only knew what was taking place on the floors below.

But he or she (the founder, that is) has already made their millions and in doing so has absorbed a lot of body blows. They’re now tired of fighting and, frankly, the organization has become a monster --- grown far beyond their ability to control. Now, the tail wags the dog.

No one reading this who has ever sold into a large corporate environment can dispute what I’m saying. At least I doubt they can.

We are quickly falling into secondary and even tertiary positions in competitive markets worldwide. To a high degree, it’s because of the dynamics I just described.

Help. It’s the only word that makes sense.